Monday, October 13, 2008

The Wonder That Was My Door

When I was in college, my door was famous.

Fabulous agency sister Susan Sandmore reminded me of it when she posted about the Weekly World News. Because really, does it surprise you to know that I am in serious lub with this fine example of thorough reporting and journalistic integrity? Of course it doesn't.

I was living in the dorms and was desperate for ways to avoid studying or actually attending classes (remind me to tell you about the time that I went to take my midterm and ended up in the wrong classroom, taking the wrong test). And thus began the Weekly World News Weekly Roundup. I'd get a copy of the latest and greatest, cut out the best of the headlines, and post them on our door. Weekly.

I didn't think it was such a big deal until I found out that prospective students came past our door on the campus tour. And I went to the University of Toledo, so it's not like it was a small campus. They went out of their way to see my bleeping door, all the way across the bridge and past Lak Ack. (The field outside the Academic Center Dorm used to flood, and we'd call it Lak Ack and go boating on it. Or swim in it fully clothed. Because we were witty.)

And people would actually take pictures of it. They'd take a picture of my door. I'm sure I deserve a kickback from UT, because I'm sure there are people who went there just to wander past the Wonder That Was My Door on a regular basis. Although this may also help to explain why I had all those stalkers. They didn't like me; they just wanted to read my door.

Because I've had four of them, you know. Stalkers, not doors.

Anyway, this is a photo of The Wonder That Was My Door. And in the event that you can't read the headlines, allow me to share with you a few of my favorites:

Stripper's steel-tipped tassel flies off boob and kills man, 32!
Gal uses dead hubby's ashes for breast implants!
KA-BOOB! Woman's breast explodes while scuba diving!

Hmmm... I begin to sense a pattern here, young Jedi. It seems that I'm obsessed with the breast. And I'm a poet too.

And you'll also notice in the photo that Roomie was the president of the floor, and I was the treasurer. Because we were kewl. And I ran on a platform of free Weekly World News for everyone. Or maybe it was something about eyebrows. Or boobs. Probably boobs. I wasn't as mature then as I am now.


Ray Veen said...

Man, you really were cool. Even spelled it with a 'k' and everything.

Jamie Eyberg said...

My dorm door never got that much luv. Guess I wasn't kewl enough.

K.C. Shaw said...

Man, I thought I was pretty clever to put a Calvin & Hobbes comic strip up on my door, one that had that little girl Susie in it (because my roommate's name was Susie and that was just huhlarious). Obviously, I had a long way to go to reach kewl.

SlayerOfBees said...

The only adornments on my college door were the frequent neckties on the knobs and the occasional semi-nude picture of girls resembling sisters of other residents - I guess I was doing it all wrong...

Aaron Polson said...

We used to hang pictures of professors and visiting lecturers, then give them wigs made of used gum. I'm not sure if that was cool...or kool...or anything but geeky.

Marcia said...

I had a famous dorm room wall. It was full of paeans to the Love of My Life (who is now my DH). I am blushing to reveal even that much. It was probably dorky. But I too wasn't as mature then as I am now. :)

Michelle D. Argyle said...

I soooo wasn't kewl.

I just submitted really bad poetry to the lit journal, and since I was on the staff, I had the lovely privilege to sit there and listen to people bash my anonymous submissions right in front of me.

Some of it even got published.

And now its circulating out there forever. Kind of like your door is now on your blog. :)

Maybe I am KEWL. One day I'll be famous for that poetry. I just know it.

C.R. Evers said...

I don't care how old you are, exploding boobs are funny.

LOL! You are the 1st person I met who had a famous door.



Rachel Hawkins said...

That's hilarious! My door only had a stupid dry erase board (although that board did occasionally sport some innuendo-filled messages from friends. That was always fun!)

Cate Gardner said...

Now I feel left out. I never had a door, or a dorm room, or... :(

Carrie Harris said...

V: Yep. I am kewl, rad, and totally tubular. I went through a Valley Girl phase, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Jamie: Awww. I'd offer to make it up to you by decorating your current door, but that seems kind of, well, wrong. :)

KC: That all depends on which strip you used. I love Calvin and Hobbes!

Slayer: Why am I not surprised? Snarf.

Aaron: ICK! What if you had your hands full and had to push on the door with your shoulder or something? You'd get used gum all over.

Marcia: See, you were nicer than me. I had a dart board, and I used to hang up pictures of my exes and throw darts at them.

Glamis: YEOUCH! Although I had a friend who ran a private lit magazine, and I submitted to him. Both of my subs were published, and he told me later that he was surprised at how non-sucky I was. I wasn't sure whether to be pleased or offended!

Christy: I'm unique, you've got to give me that. And yes, exploding boobs are hilarious. Especially when they make the sound "ka-boob!"

Rachel: Oh yes. We too had the dry erase board. The tour guides asked us not to write inappropriate things on it during peek tour periods.

Cate: Now I know what to get you for your birthday.

TerriRainer said...

No matter how old you are, male or female, boobs can create a lively topic!

:) Terri

Kelly Polark said...

Very kewl and informative door! Whatever my roomie and I put on my door was always taken...Holiday Miller Lite Signs, even a picture of us two in matching winter coats when we were 10!(why would anyone want that?) We had the dry erase marker board on it, too! Ahhh, sweet memories of the dorm! What a fun time that was!

Tiny T said...

Catherine, it's ok. I never had a dorm room either. Instead I moved out on my own, so I do technically have a door, but I haven't hung anything on it. I'm thinking I just might have to hang at least SOMETHING on it now just for the fun of it... A dry erase board maybe for people to leave notes when I'm not home ;)

sruble said...

You know the best part of the tabloids is the headlines. I read them at the store ... a lot of other people do too. For broke college students, going past your door was easier than going to the store and feeling obligated to buy something.

I would've read your door, and I didn't even live in the dorms.

Candace Ryan said...

Carrie, with all the door and boobs talk, door knockers have a whole new meaning for me.

Adrienne said...

I'll bet KA-BOOB has been used for the headline of some sort of freak barbeque accident, too.

K. M. Walton said...

If you really want to think deeply about were 'door blogging' even before blogs were a real thing. Wow!!! Talk about ahead of your time.

And, the word boobs is funny. Period.

Carrie Harris said...

Terri: Yeah, I suppose I'm playing dirty in the quest for more readers, huh? :)

Kelly: Y'know, our dorm had people who stole other, more personal things. I'll have to blog about that some day. ICK!

Tiny T: I think I might need a dry erase board too, for the next time you guys stop by. Snarf.

sruble: Awww. I would have appreciated it. If I decorate my door now, will you still read it?

Candace: SNARF. And SNARF again.

Adrienne: Frankly, I think KA-BOOB should become a part of general vocab. It really is a versatile word, isn't it?

KM: Door blogging, huh? But what do you call that? Doologging? Bloorging? I'm trying for a kewl word but not quite getting there.

sruble said...

Of course, then again, I already do! Mahahahaha ... no, I'm not stalking you, I'm reading your door - a.k.a. your blog, the new door.

Vikki said...

Aw, man...I never had a door! I mean, yes, I've had doors - blank, boring, some of them didn't lock properly. But I never had A DOOR! I feel like I've missed something. Is it appropriate, at 35, to begin taping super cool stuff to your door? (I don't want to freak out the UPS man...he brings me shoes and stuff.)

Anonymous said...

I never lived in a dorm in college, and while it was the right decision for me at the time I did miss out on a lot of fun things, like decorating my dorm door. Still, it would have been nothing compared to your lovely door. Such creativity!

By the way, I'm from Ohio. Columbus. Went to OSU.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

That is a very cool door. I would have liked a door like that. But I wasn't as cool. :o(

Rob Brooks said...

That's an awesome door. Mine looked like that. Just had the room number on it, really. Although my girlfriend (now wife) did make me a magnet out of picture of our English rofessor, that was up for a bit. Nothign exciting. And I'm from Toledo! Didn't go to school there, but lived there till I was 20 or so. Still go back often, too.

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

Oh man this post makes me feel so nostalgic about those good ole college days. How come once you get to be an adult it's all decorative wreaths and seasonal decor on doors? Ah, those were the days.

Carrie Harris said...

sruble: Good point. Thanks for visiting my doolog. Snarf.

Vivi: I'll be 35 next month, and I say it's ENTIRELY appropriate. You might even get some free shoes, since he'll want to come back more often.

Booklady: Thanks! Although the inside of the room was a different story; I wasn't the neatest roommate in the world. Go Bucks! (I'm living in Michigan now and can't say that out loud. I'm not sure why it really matters, as I'm not much of a football fan. I guess it's a nostalgia thing.)

Ello: You have a dancing pig. I think that definitely qualifies you as cool. Hope those blankety blank revisions are going well!

Rob: If you know Slayer, I will laugh my arse off. He too lived in T-town through his early twenties.

Kate: You know, that's a great idea. I'll make a seasonal Weekly World News wreath!

Samantha said...

Grab the world by the...


Meh. Nevermind. Need more sleep.

mimi said...

Hilarious! My favorite WWN headline of all time:


I have no idea why that tickles me so much, but there you go. Just the other day, my son says "Mama? What is Bat Boy?" *snicker*

I didn't have famous door. I had famous room. My roomie and I went a whole month with a tent made out of blankets. Every winter, we cut out snowflakes and did the ceiling. LOTS of snowflakes. Drama majors...

Carrie Harris said...

slhastings: World boobs. Hm. I wonder what size those are. *hanging my head in shame*

Mimi: Honking dinos. HAH! And yes, I was a drama person too. We did strange things with glow-in-the-dark stars. Did you know there's a constellation called The Poop? We had poop everywhere.

Wow. My maturity STILL astounds me.

Brenda said...

okay, first...very cool door and it is starting to explain a lot about the wonder that is you...grin...

Second...yuck! dead man's ashes becomes new boobs!...I guess that is one way to keep your man close to your heart...yikes!

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Blankety blank revisions done and website done. I am actually taking a breath of fresh air and visiting blogs! Wheee! Except, I am actually procrastinating as I have a pile of blankety blank papers (400 pages worth) to grade this week. Blech.

How are you doing?

Carrie Harris said...

Brenda: The boob ashes are CREEPY, aren't they? Hilarious but creepy at the same time.

Ello: Congrats! I'll have to stop by your site. Will you be starting something new now, writing-wise?

It's going really well! The WIP should be done in a monthish. Already working on the idea for the next one. Although I have a mountain of work waiting for me too. Not papers. Drywall. I hate drywall with the fire of a thousand suns.