Yesterday, when I got into the hot tub after my workout, one of the guys looked up at me and said, "Mmmm. It's like dessert, isn't it?" He even licked his lips.
And I said, "Huh?!?" Because that's what I do when people play the pronoun game with me. Either that, or I shout something like: "Use nouns, people! Your pronoun is floating out there without a noun in sight. Unless you want me to choose my own noun, in which case I choose Batman eyebrows, and now I think you're weird, because who in their right mind would compare Batman eyebrows to a dessert?"
But I restrained myself in this case and limited myself to "huh?!?"
He replied that the hot tub was like dessert, and then he licked his lips again. And I was tempted to remind him that drinking the water wasn't really a good idea, but he'd solidified his doom with the repeated lick lippery, so I didn't. I just nodded and sat as far away from him as possible.
Sadly enough, this doesn't even approach the worst pickup line I have ever heard.
Picture this: Bestfriend and I went out dancing. This was way back in the pre-kid days, when we'd go dancing once a week, every week, without fail. And yeah, sometimes we'd dress up as Spice Girls, but not this night. Anyway, Bestfriend started dancing with what seemed like a nice guy but turned out later to be a complete freak. But at the time, he was nice, so I was pleased for her and backed off to give them a little space to get to know each other.
It's never a good idea to dance by yourself. I know this now and knew it then but I am all about sacrificing for my friends.
This really big guy came up to me. Actually, that sentence doesn't do it justice. A really HORKING big guy came up to me, deliberately giving me the up and down look. Either he was imagining me naked or he was trying to memorize my dance moves. And then he said it.
"Damn, girl. Your booty moves make me want to f--- a bunny."
Wow. There are so many snarky comments I could make (and have made) about that line. But I think I'll just let it speak for itself.
And no, it did not work on me. Just in case you were curious.