More Twilight Parody

Okay. If you missed the last one, you can find it here. This probably won't make sense to you anyway, particularly if you're my husband or Scillius Maximus, but I think it's funny.

And we all know that it's all about me.

Actually, that's not true. I've been getting requests from you bloggy people for some fiction from yours truly. And I'm all about satisfying my adoring fans. Um... you adore me, right? You're not just stalkers, are you?

Now I've given myself a complex...

Ellba watched as the rest of the group meandered down the beach, laughing and shoving each other into the rills of water that wove up the beautiful landscape. She was happy to sit by the fire; a trip like that was disaster for someone like her. So many things to trip on, to fall into, to run into face first. It wasn't a good idea, especially when one was carrying a crossbow, a machete, and twelve shuriken made out of wax paper.

A girl could get hurt.

So she sat by the fire, watching the guttering flames dance in the damp air. It was always damp here, and she hated it. But then again, if it wasn't so wet, Ward wouldn't be able to survive long out of the water. She imagined that it wouldn't be easy being a vampiric merman, but for Ward, it would be worth it.

She looked down the beach at the rows upon rows of jagged rocks running the length of the sand. Ward told her about the rocks. He said they'd been put there on purpose, to keep the vamp-men... the mer-pires... the people like Ward off the beach. This was sacred land. It was also spooky as all get out, and Ellba tightened her grip on the machete.

Unfortunately, Cob picked this particular moment to sneak up on her.

"Boo!" he yelled, and she almost cut her foot off.

She looked down; the cut neatly bissected her ankle. It looked fake, actually, just a long red line running across her pale skin, but then the blood gushed out and the pain hit, and through a haze of agony Ellba had to concede that it was really really real.

Really.

"I'll save you," yelled Cob, snatching the machete away prudently and sweeping her up into his arms.

"No..." she gasped. "By the time you get me to the hospital, I'll be gone... Take me... to the seal display at the zoo."

"I won't," he said, tightening his grip and nearly suffocating her. "Ward and his seal-loving friends can go to hell. I won't let him take you with them."

He looked at her, kissed her tenderly on the brow, and set her down on the sand. "I didn't want you to find out like this, but it's our only hope."

"You mean you're kind of like Obi Wan Kenobi?"

"Not really. I think you're delirious, Ell. No, I'm a were... thing."

"I AM delirious. Look at the pretty ochre sparkles on the water... Sparkle sparkle sparkle."

"Ell, stay with me!" He shook her urgently, and she fixed bleary eyes on his. "Every time I change, I turn into something different. But we'll have to take that chance. I won't let you go, my Ellba. I love you."

Before she could do much more than gape at him (blearily), his figure shimmered and stretched. He let out an agonized howl as his bones rearranged and hair sprouted, agonizingly slow, from unused pores. And when it was over, she looked up at him, at his impossibly increased height, his patrician cheekbones, the delicate ears that tapered up to long and beautiful points.

"I'm the sprightly elf!" he crowed. "PINCH me!"

Ellba fainted.