Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Weekly(ish) Review

Okay, we're way past due for a list o' haiku reviews and more unnerving ways that people have found my blog. Really, I've got to ask: are you guys just coming up with strange Google searches and clicking on them to amuse me? Because it's working.

First we have the latest haiku reviews:

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
It's a cool concept
But was WAY too long

A Story of a Girl
Award winning books
Usually aren't my bag
But it was worth it

The Well of Lost Plots
What can I say here?
Jasper Fforde did it again
I snarfed out my nose

Little Brother
Wow. Wow wow wow wow.
Can I give this one ten stars?
It made me feel young.

Seriously, peeps. I devoured this book, and I had that jittery feeling that I used to get when I was a kid and found something earthshakingly new and made of awesome. It's going on my list of top books ever. Read it.

So Yesterday
Sneakers so awesome
That people will kill for them?
I just kept laughing

And last, but not least, ways that people found The Wonder That Is My Blog. And when I say "people," I mean people with issues.

But I can see it's kicking pickup line ninja: What's kicking? The pickup line is kicking? The ninja is kicking? And if you rearrange the syllables in this phrase, you get "But it's kick line ninja, I can see picking up." Which doesn't make any more sense, unfortunately. And if you anagram it, you get: "A cubic eek stinking tis ninja pick lupine"

Nope. There's no use. I will never make sense out of this.

How to make ninja stuff out of duct tape: Well, first you get some ninja stuff, and then you throw out the duct tape. What kind of ninja stuff are we talking about? Is the tape black? Because I have to tell you that using non-black duct tape to make weaponry is against the Code of Ninja Conduct (CONC).

Freak dance pickup lines: Again with the pickup lines! Don't make me anagram you. I'll do it.

eating people as a zombie or a vampire games to play not look at play: Are you sure you don't want to watch zombies and vampires eat people? Are you SURE you want to play? We're not talking live-action playing, are we?

Zombie foot fetish: I wanted to be at the top of the results for "Batman eyebrows," but I'm not so sure about this one. Can you imagine me at a dinner party? "Well, I'm a recognized expert on zombie foot fetishes. Uh guys? Guys? Where'd everyone go?"

How to make a ninja thing with 8 post its: Um... what kind of ninja thing are we talking about here? And what color are the post its? I refer you to the earlier entry about the duct tape for more information.

I mean, really. Am I the only person that this happens to?


Hanna Banana said...

My only question... Do undead feet sweat?

Corey Schwartz said...

Love the haiku reviews. Maybe your next contest should be a haiku contest?

Jamie Eyberg said...

Read Norrell and Strange and you are are correct, far to long!

Kelly Polark said...

Another batch of cool reviews!

Kiersten White said...

For a while I got a ton of hits for "burst fallopian tubes" or "I think I have internal bleeding," both of which made me sad because my blog was anything but helpful.

Not nearly as cool as zombie foot fetishes...hiesses

Kiersten White said...

Also, the heisses was meant to be the word verification...

I mean, umm, I'm INCREDIBLY smart and know all sorts of words that no one else does, and that's why it looks like that didn't make any sense.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Do you know what the number one search term for my blog is? Hmmmmm?

Queen of Farts or Fart Queen or Biggest loudest most disgusting fart or public farting

That's me. The Queen of Farts. Top that!

Cate Gardner said...

I worry about some of the things people google. ;)

Natalie Whipple said...

I'm freakishly jealous of all your ninja hits. Must post more about ninjas. My number one recently? Worst dance stories, most embarrassing dance stories, etc.

Sherrie Petersen said...

I am so bad at poetry -- glad you got some good ones. And BTW, zombie ninja richard simmons brings you up twice :^)

K.C. Shaw said...

I'm glad you liked Little Brother as much as you did--when I read it, I was the same way. I kept having that great (high-schoolish) feeling that This Is Important. It's an awesome book.

I'm afraid to see what searches have led people to my blog, although I bet they're not as interesting as yours.

Mariah Irvin said...

If you type dasaloff in Google my blog comes up. After "Did you spell this word wrong?"

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

no I got "words of inspiration+death of baby" - how can that be in one sentence. And "I am a head case". but yours are a bit straneg - then again I dont blog about Ninja zombines.

Anonymous said...

How can I find out what searches lead to my blog?

Carrie Harris said...

Install a Site Meter (there's a link at the bottom of my page) on your website, and it'll keep track of all kinds of interesting info for you, anon.