Thursday, April 23, 2009

Twilight Parody: Thumbs Up for Merpires

Okay, before we get on with the Twilight parody, I need your help. I am trying to talk Natalie into making a merpire pinup calendar. Because really, wouldn't you just love to have 12 months of THIS on your wall?

He's OCHRE! He sparkles! OOOooooh!

Episode 7: Thumbs Up for Merpires

Ellba jerked awake, the dream dissolving into nothingness. She sat up, looking around in alarm, but didn't see anyone waiting around to kill her. It was kind of a disappointment; she was starting to think that she'd have to take out a hit on herself if she ever wanted to get some action. But in the meantime she settled back down, cushioning her head on the rubbery side of the baby pool. Even though Ward had left some time during the night, it still smelled like him.

She licked it, and it tasted like fish sticks. Just like when they kissed.

Her baby pool lickery was interrupted by the honking of a horn; Ward was waiting in the driveway. She jumped out of the pool and dried off quickly, throwing on some clothes. When she made it out to the car, he said, "Um... Ellba? You're still wearing the Saran Wrap."

"Oh. It's... uh, a fashion statement."

"That's one word for it."

They made their way through the almost-deserted streets of Spork. It was a small town; this had less to do with the cruddy weather and more to do with the fact that people didn't want to live in a town named after a plastic eating implement with a personality disorder.

"Ward?" said Ellba, as they pulled into the Spork High School parking lot. "I want to be a merpire."

"Not this again." He rolled his perfect ochre eyes, and her heart went pitty-pat just watching it. "I told you before--"

"You don't understand. I want to be with you. I'll do anything. I'll... I'll thumb wrestle you for it."

"You'll WHAT?"

"Thumb wrestle you. If I win, you have to make me a merpire. If you win," she paused, swallowing with effort, "I'll quit asking."

"You don't know what you're asking." His shoulders shook with the effort of containing his emotions, and he held out his thumb. "As if you could outrun my thumb!" His hand moved so fast it was a blur, and before she took a single breath, he tweaked her nose. "Or even fight my thumb off!" His hand grabbed hers, and in a flash she was pinned.

"I'm not afraid of you, Ward. Or your thumb." Ellba tried to grasp his hand, but he pulled away. "You sparkle. You really ought to be a calendar pinup."

"Yeah," he said, resigned. "You sound like that Carrie girl who keeps writing me emails. Let's go to school."


Unknown said...

Two thumbs WAY up!

Anonymous said...

your blog has been infected by the chicken virus. you caught it off christy's blog.


mr. chicken

Hanna Banana said...

Thumb war all the way!!

Natalie Whipple said...

He's so dreamy. I keep my sketchbook by my bed and so I can wake up from bad dreams to see him. It's almost like I'm Elba, and that's a major aspiration for me.

I'll have to consider a calendar, I already have three poses, that's like 25% done! (How did you know that I might be the only person in the world weird enough to treat a merpire calendar with complete seriousness?)

Anonymous said...

My stomach is churning after the idea of licking a fishy baby pool.

But in a good way. :)

K.C. Shaw said...

Ooh, a merpire pinup calendar! Tres chic!Needs glitter, of course.

And I am so into the thumb-wrestling!

Fox Lee said...

That's it, I'm changing my name. This is too confusing! ; )

Samantha said...

Ward is HOT, with a capital H.

So ochre, so sparkly. Yum.

BUT I can't imagine anybody tasting like fish sticks.

Sherrie Petersen said...

Great illustration!

Kiersten White said...




Christy Raedeke said...

NOTHING is sexier than an ochre merpire. Sign me up for 12 months of that!

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Natalie did an AWESOME JOB! Wow, I love it! I want the calendar if she does it. :)

Mariah Irvin said...


This story is too good to be true. I love every second of it!

Fox Lee said...

You're welcome.

Carrie Harris said...

Beth: Be careful. Ward may take that as a challenge. :)

Mr. Chicken: Um... which Christy? I know multiple, and I want to know which one to blame.

Hanna: Hey, nothing says hot like a thumb war with a merpire. I'm just sayin'.

Natalie: You know how they say that chickens of a feather flock together? It's a stupid saying, but still true. I knew we hit it off for a very good reason. Merpire compatibility. ;)

Kristy: This from Mer-juice Woman. ;)

KC: LOTS of glitter. I completely agree.

Natalie S: I'm sorry! You were probably quite puzzled to see that I was blaming the whole thing on you, huh? This is why I call you Natalie S.

slhastings: My toddlers taste like fish sticks after lunchtime. This is mostly because they rub their food all over their heads.

Hm... probably not the mental association I should be giving you, huh?

Solvang: Isn't it? And I traded it for a crocheted ninja. I think I got the better end of the deal.

Kiersten: Um... he can thank me later. ;)

Christy: Actually, I can think of one thing that is sexier. A SPARKLY ochre merpire.

Glamis: Didn't she? It's exactly the kind of thing I would want to hang by my writing desk. Inspirational sparkly merpires.

Mariah: But it IS true. All of it.

Except for the part where I'm stalking Ward, because I would never do that. Really. Honest.

Quit laughing.

Natalie S (redux): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is the most ridiculous, funniest thing.

Cindy R. Wilson said...

I don't know how I came across your blog, but that just made my day! So funny!