Expert Advice on Ninja Costumes

As you all know, I'm married to a ninja. I think it's totally awesome, except for the part where my socks always go missing. I honestly think his ninja friends come over and pilfer them at night while we're sleeping. They use them as training weaponry. And trust me when I say that socks can HURT if they're wielded by lethal ninjas.

Bring the pain. And make sure it's striped.

So I thought that I would perform a public service for all you last minute Halloween planners out there. I'm going to tell you what you need to make an awesomesauce ninja costume.

First, you need to realize that ninjas consider their belly buttons to be lethal weaponry. It's a little known fact that most ninjas wear crop tops to frighten their enemies.

Beware the button of death!

Ninja clothing is designed to fade into the background. So, for example, if you're going to a Halloween party with a bunch of kids dressed like Care Bears, wrap your head in day-glo towels.

Beware the button of death with towels on it!

One of the most convincing ninja costumes is one that doesn't look like a ninja at all. EVERYONE trusts a strawberry.

This picture came up when I searched for "ninja costumes." I don't get it either.

Aw, who am I kidding? If you want to be a convincing ninja, just wear jeans and a t-shirt. That's what most of my ninja friends wear.

Although this would look a lot better as a crop top.

I hope you feel prepared for Halloween now. I sure do.