So if you haven't been reading The Wonder That Is My Blog very long, you may have missed the first edition of In the Event of Famousness. Go back, read it, and bow down before my generosity. Or don't. As with anything else on this blog, it really doesn't pay to try and make sense out of it. Just laugh and shake your head at me. Everyone else does.
So this month, I'd like to get you thinking about an essential part of famousness. If you become famous, you will need People. Because evidently, becoming famous does something to your brain, making you subsequently unable to dial the telephone. You need People for that. You need People to call other People's People. And then their People will ask your People to tell you that their People want to talk to you. Which seems awfully convoluted, but then again, famous people probably have a lot of spare time to deal with this sort of thing.
I've got to interrupt myself for just one minute and get this out of my system: Soylent green is PEEPUL!!!!
Much better. I've been thinking it ever since I typed the title, and it was starting to interrupt the flow of nonsense.
Anyway. Unless you get a LOT of phone calls, you'll probably want your People to do things other than pick whack ringtones for your Smartfreakingconfusingphone. Sean Combs actually had a People who carried his umbrella for him. Mariah Carey had a People who carried her drink, complete with straw, so she wouldn't mess up her lipstick.
So the thing you must think about in the event that famousness happens to you: what will your People do? I don't do umbrellas, and while I am quite literally addicted to lipgloss, I can reapply after drinking, thankyouverymuch. So I've decided instead that I will have a Boom Box People. My People will be in charge of following me with a big old 80s style boom box, and he will supply the soundtrack to my life. He must have nice eyebrows and be willing to dress in a Batman costume for Halloween, but under the mask, he must resemble Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles. He must be willing to listen to "Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing" by Chris Issac and "Lust for Life" by Iggy Pop at least ten times every day. And he must not mind if I occasionally ask him to play the Ewok song during romantic moments just for laughs. Because really, any romantic moment is better with the Ewok song.
What will your People do?