One of the coolest things about having one of those site meter jobbies is that I can tell what brings people to The Wonder That Is My Blog. I mean, of course you're here to bask in my glory (translation: laugh at my expense), but how did you get here and why on earth do you keep coming back when there are productive things you could be doing, like learning to put both your legs behind your head.
I can do that. I'll teach you. Just don't do them both at once and then fall forward, mashing your nose into the floor. That hurts. Besides, you'll end up stuck like an overturned turtle while everyone laughs at your expense. Don't ask me how I know this. Just trust me.
I'm kinda scared, though, because a lot of people get here by googling things like "Carrie Harris" or "Carrie Harris blog." I hope I don't owe them money, but I reassure myself that they could be looking for someone else. I know my name's pretty common. Before I got married, I was Carrie Lewis, rhymes with Jerry Lewis, makes for a lot of bad jokes in grade school. It could be a lot worse. Ever play that game where you get your adult film star name by putting together the name of your first pet and your mother's maiden name? I would be Super Rug. Yeah, my mom's maiden name is Rug. And my adult film star name is snarfabulous.
So it REALLY could be worse.
Must... stop... digressing...
While I'm at it, must... stop... talking... in... Kirkspeak!
Now, in the past week, my hits have been going all whack-a-ding-hoy. Someone found me by googling "rewrite green eggs and ham." Another person came here via a google on "scruff or no scruff." Someone else was searching for "Jack Handey cannibalism." I think I can stand proud knowing that someone somewhere (i.e., one of those Internet trolling program-doohickies) thinks that I am an expert on these subjects. Because of course I am.
But then I saw that someone got to The Wonder That Is My Blog by googling "batman eyebrows." Now of course I am an expert on this topic. I am big superhero geek with an eyebrow complex. Put the two together and I'm freaking Einsteinian. But would you believe that Google does not recognize the awesomeness that is my batbrow expertise? Would you believe that I didn't even make the first page of results?!?
I'm wounded. Hurt beyond belief. My faith in the system has been maligned. Because if Google thinks I'm only a second tier expert on the brows of the bat, what shall I do? I'll have to sell all my worldly possessions and move to Greenland, where I will plot my revenge against the powers that be, i.e. Google.
I am hereby starting a campaign to make the first page of "batman eyebrows" results at Google. So I'll be working the phrase into every single post that I write for the next couple of weeks, and then I shall report back to you on the results. Because of course you, my treasured readers, understand intuitively how important this is.
Or at least you're willing to humor me so you can laugh at my expense. Either way is fine by me.