Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Presenting Preliminary Merpire

Things you need to know to make this entry make any sense whatsoever:

1. Kiersten and Stephanie started a virtual band named The PUNKtuations!

2. Natalie and I were emailing back and forth re: the merpire calendar, and she spoke the magic phrase: "Preliminary Merpire." And lo, I said, "Ooooh! That would be a great name for a band. We could kick The PUNKtuations' butt!"

3. Thus began the smack talk. And lo, it was plentiful.

4. Now, we are embroiled (and by "we" I mostly mean me, Kiersten, and Natalie... poor Stephanie is only guilty by association at this point, or she was until late yesterday when she commented on my blog) in a lyric challenge. Kiersten started things off with the first PUNKtuations! single, My Love For You Is In ALL CAPS.

5. Now, it's our turn. So I bring you the lyrics to the first Preliminary Merpire single, Centerfold. It's to be sung to this tune, which refuses to be imbedded, damn it. But if you are a big geek like me, you could open it in another window and follow along with the lyrics to get the full effect.

CENTERFOLD, by Preliminary Merpire.

Does he swim?
Is he trim?
Does he have a fin?
My underwater beefcake always made me think of sin
He glistened like snowflakes, especially in the rain
To resist my sparkly angel was an effort all in vain
Years go by, I'm looking through a merpire magazine
And there's my sparklin' fishman on the pages in between

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My merpire's a sparkly centerfold
Merpire's a sparkly centerfold

I could never pass a test
Spent classes thinking about his chest
I was shy, I turned away, before he caught my eye
I couldn't contain my drool whenever I passed his baby pool
Something had a hold on me when studly swam close by
Those smooth ochre fish limbs, too magical to touch
To see him in that seaweed garb is really just too much

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My merpire's a sparkly centerfold
Merpire's a sparkly centerfold

Now listen:
It's okay; let me be frank
This ain't no big salty fish tank
I hope that when this fish is gone
I'll see you when your legs are on
Walk around, yes we will, we'll walk around in private
Find ourselves a sheltered cliff, get nekkid and dive it
A part of me would turn to fish
If you would just make me your dish
Oh no, I can't deny you
Oh yeah, I really wanna eye you

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My merpire's a sparkly centerfold
Merpire's a sparkly centerfold


Hanna Banana said...

WooHoo! My merpire's a sparkly centerfold... I could put that to a vareity of different tunes and it sounds great no matter which I choose.

Jamie Eyberg said...

you never cease to amaze me. :)

Natalie Whipple said...

Rock on!!! Our band is so awesome it hurts. Hot songs about beefcake merpires. Zombie/ninja back up singers. Mr. Simmons choreographing for the tour.

Hey, maybe the Punktuations! can open for us;P

Cate Gardner said...

LOL! I didn't have to play the tune to sing along.

Anonymous said...

Google Merpire. Preliminary Merpire is #3!
(Sometimes I like to google things...)

Tiny T said...

**Standing Ovation!!** To the Preliminary Merpires! :D

Davin Malasarn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kiersten White said...

Oh, that was really cute, Carrie. Very cute!

But, umm, hate to tell you, The Punktuations! don't have one single--we have two full songs and a sneak preview of another one, not to mention an interview and full discography. You'll want to click on The Punktuations label to find all of the related material.

But really, such a fun song! Too bad merpires are such a specialized target audience, while grammar speaks to the souls of all.

Just sayin'.

(Okay, seriously, the only thing that rocks more than our bands is our fake rivalry.)

Sherrie Petersen said...

Channeling your Weird Al side, huh? Excellent lyrics :^)

Natalie Whipple said...

Kierst, let's take a moment to remember that your little cult came up with all your song names for you. I'm sure we could open it up for song title suggestions as well.

You better watch yourself, or we won't invite you on tour:P

(Yes, the fake rivalry is almost the best part. If it weren't for Ward's slimy, sparkly body...)

Kiersten White said...

Mmmm, nothing like slimy and sparkly on the same hot bod...

Quick! Write some more songs, Carrie!

K.C. Shaw said...

I think this line has completely made my day: "I couldn't contain my drool whenever I passed his baby pool." It even makes up for having a Hall & Oats song in my head now!

Christy Raedeke said...

For a solid year in high school I jumped rope to this song in my garage, which I think makes me an expert. And this expert says your lyrics are a vast improvement on the original.

Suzanne Casamento said...

You're out of your mind. It's fantastic.

Mariah Irvin said...

Umm...this song pretty much rocks. I must have more.

Whirlochre said...

I loved Centrefold — mainly because of the singer's hooped trousers.

So — hoping for dinky outfits.

Stephanie Perkins said...

Will there be a duel?? Should I bring my pistol or my sword? My dictionary or my synthesizer?