Thursday, June 18, 2009

Answers (A post in which I resist the urge to use 42)

You asked yesterday, and I answer! Because that's how it works: question, answer; question, answer. If you gave me the answer and I gave you the question, that would be Jeopardy.

Hmmmm. I think we might need to do that next time.

Anyway, Jamie wants to know my favorite brand of peanut butter. I'm a little perplexed by this. Actually, I'm a little perplexed by any question for which I cannot answer 'zombies.' I mean, I could, but it wouldn't really make any sense, and I am all about making sense.

Why are you laughing?

Barry is eager to learn whether zombie Tony the Tiger or zombie Rainbow Brite is more frightening. Now this is my kind of question. I suspect that zombie Rainbow Brite is scarier, but I am not certain. I do however know that the ultimate in fear is this:

EEK! It's a zombietubby!

Cate wants to know if I've ever thought of running a zombie exercise class. Why yes, Cate, I've thought about this quite a lot but eventually decided against it. See, when I taught aerobics, I taught WATER aerobics. I'm not entirely sure, but I think there might be a problem if we all started doing froggie jumps and someone's leg fell off and started floating around in the pool. I mean, I remember what it was like the one time that kid went doo-doo in the water, and I can't imagine that a severed limb would have a better reaction.

Kiersten wants to know how awesome a publishing company run by the two of us would be. It would of course be a seven hundred on a 1-10 scale of awesomeness. In fact, I predict that if Kiersten and I start a publishing company, Richard Simmons will become our mascot, and we will all cowrite the Zombie version of Sweating to the Oldies. And all of you will become rich.

I am so glad I proofread this before I posted it. Because it originally said that you will all become Rick. I know a guy named Rick. He calls me Trippy. I like him, but I don't think you all want to be him.

Kelly asked one that kinda made me think, but I don't hold it against her. She wants to know my favorite horror film and one that I hated. Can I have two favorites? Because Shaun of the Dead and Fright Night II are tied for first place. One has zombie acting lessons and the other has rollerskating vampires. I cannot choose between these two paragons of awesomeness. My least favorites are all those horror porns where there's so much gore that you begin to fear that the world will soon experience a severe shortage of red tinted corn syrup.

Kasie is curious to know about my potato fixation. I have never met a potato I didn't like. Not like I've been introduced to many potatoes in my lifetime, but really, I am non-prejudicial when it comes to tubers.

Horror Girl, aka Samantha, wants to know what I think about when I wake up in the morning. Unfortunately, I am not a morning person. I've actually been thinking that I should put a tape recorder next to the bed, because I would probably come up with some good entries for the zombie dictionary I keep talking about. For example. this morning, I said something like, "Haaargnnnnhh." Which translates to "I dreamt about zombie chipmunks last night."

I did. Dream of them, I mean.

Shelli wants to know my middle name. It's Ann. And yes, my full name is Carrie rather than Caroline, and the book came out right around the time I was born. I heard a lot about that when I went to prom, and my proms were indeed cursed. At the first one, my date ended up being the prom king, and the queen was his date from the year before. At the second, my best friend confessed his love for me. Unrequited. At the third, my boyfriend broke up with me the morning before, but we went anyway and he totalled the car. We were dropped off at prom in a police cruiser. At the fourth, my boyfriend went around popping all of the balloons with the pin from my corsage.

Keri asks if I listen to music when I write. Yes, I do, but it's all in my HEAD. I walk around with my own personal soundtrack playing in my brain. Right now, it's playing this:

I have an insane love for this song. I used to put it on all my romantic mix tapes.

And Danyelle, if I could have a superpower, it would be the power to play that mental soundtrack out loud so the rest of you would have to listen to it too. Does that make me a supervillain?

Them's a lot of answers, but the one answer I don't have for today is who wins the prize for the Zom Com Contest. I gave myself until tomorrow, and that's a good thing because there were WAY too many deserving entries.


Barry Napier said...

Whew, that IS a lot of answers. But, as always, a chuckle-filled way to begin the day.

Cate Gardner said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Fabulous post.

Alan W. Davidson said...

LOL...that's hilarious, Carrie. I love the Zombietubbies too. I used to watch that with my son. One of us may have enjoyed the show more had there been zombies involved!

Natalie Whipple said...

That song is going to be stuck in my head all day now. Not that I'm complaining. It's pure genius.

Kelly Polark said...

Ahhhhh, almost everything I wanted to know about Carrie finally answered!
You do have a tough job selecting a winner by the way, I loved reading/seeing everyone's entries for your contest!

PJ Hoover said...

Your prom stories are cracking me up!

Carrie Harris said...

Barry: See? I have ALL the answers. Not because I'm smart, but because I hog them from everyone else.

Cate: Hey, they were fabulous questions. What can I say?

Alan: I have successfully kept the kids away from the Tubbies, but my girls are watching Barney right now. Zombarney. The concept alone is enough to give me nightmares. :)

Natalie: Isn't it? I sing it all the time. Although the 'lavender blue dilly dilly dilly... dilly' line sometimes gets me funny looks.

Kelly: Uh oh. Well, if that's EVERYTHING you wanted to know, does that mean that I need to stop blogging?

PJ: Me too. In retrospect. In reality, they were much less funny.

K. M. Walton said...

Well, Carrie Ann, that was a tremendous insight into your inner workings. Your blog rules.

Elana Johnson said...

Funny post! I love that teletubby picture!

Fox Lee said...

You must love blue potatoes. They look vaguely zombie-like.

Stephanie Perkins said...

42. Me loves :)

Danyelle L. said...

You are completely awesome, you know that?


Supervillains are people too!
You mean the Teletubbies aren't zombies already? :O

Keri Mikulski said...

Hilarious and love it!!! :)

Now your song is stuck in my head and I don't need music while I write. :)

Nora MacFarlane said...

Carrie, You've been tagged for a mem on my blog, and you have to lie...

Ray Veen said...

I need to know the translation for this:

"Ing za ri ko fo zi brun brun brun"

Because it gives me an overpowering urge to poison folks.

Carrie Harris said...

KM: Dude, thanks. I didn't think my inner workings were all that fascinating until this very moment. ;)

Elana: Isn't it awesome? I want to get it printed up all glossy and hang it on my wall.

Natalie: I do like blue potatoes, except that they do turn some recipes vaguely greyish and zombielike. Which is fine for me, but not so fine for prospective dinner guests.

Stephanie: Yet another reason I think you're so cool.

Danyelle: No, I didn't know that. This is why I need you around, to tell me these important things. ;)

Keri: That song is out and out infectious, isn't it?

Nora: Uh oh. This is potentially really funny or really pitiful.

BPV: Well, you could try Babelfish. I don't know what language it is, tho. Disneyspeak?

Sherrie Petersen said...

Wow, you should just write a book about your prom experiences!