Friday, June 5, 2009

My Version of a Writing Prompt

I cannot do the writing prompt thing. Rather, I've been in enough workshops that I can write to a prompt, but said writing always sucks rocks. The one exception to this rule is an old friend of mine: we used to send each other insane writing challenges, like the time that he challenged me to write a poem about wobbly hamsters. I just spent about 15 minutes scouring our mess of an office to try and find a copy of my 'Paeon to Wobbly Hamsters' without success. So just pretend that I posted it, and it's really witty.

The funniest part about this anecdote is that I worked on a scientific paper a couple of years ago in which the phrase "wobbly hamsters" was used a few times. In fact, there was an illustration of a wobbly hamster. That made my day, let me tell you.

Anyway, I'm going to do the Carrie version of a writing prompt. I'm listing off 10 of the best search items that led people to The Wonder That Is My Blog in the past couple of weeks. And then I'm writing a poem using those items. If anyone else has a site meter, I'd love to see yours. You poem, not your meter.

Wow. That sounded vaguely pervy. Oh well.

And here are the items:
  • Evil baby eyebrows
  • Because the ninjas are too busy
  • Did you hear that probably not cuz I'm a ninja
  • Hot thumbs
  • I'm a bimbo
  • Game ninja cooking for zombies
  • Pumping iron good vibrations
  • Seven semi ninja
  • Boob door knocker
  • Snarf foot

And here be the poem:
Ninja strikes the
Boob door knocker
A single clank heralds
Death on the front porch
When she answers
he says, "Did you hear that?
Probably not, cuz I'm a ninja"
and gives her the hot thumbs
The end for her is brief

Villain waits,
seven semi ninja arrayed like playing cards
When Ninja arrives, he arches an
evil baby eyebrow but
the bodyguards fail to strike
distracted by a ninja game:
Cooking for Zombies

"Fall under the power of my
snarf foot!" snarls Ninja
and Villain gropes for assistance but finds none
because the semi ninjas are too busy
"I'm innocent," he cries
but Ninja cuts his throat
delighting in the good vibrations
of pumping iron-rich blood
onto the floor
"Right," says Ninja,
"And I'm a bimbo."


Alan W. Davidson said...

Who would have thought that you could fit the line "evil baby eyebrow" into a poem. Funny stuff.

My fav was the "wobbly hamsters". Nothing like that around our place, but we do have a teetering greyhound.

Jamie Eyberg said...

I bet they regretted seeing you quit your job. the office has probably never been the same.

PJ Hoover said...

I never do writing prompts. And I really think I should (as I sit at the beginning of a first draft and twiddle my thumbs).

Elana Johnson said...

I can't do writing prompts either. Okay, I can, but they aren't good and they don't help me be any more creative than say, watching TV does. So I do that instead. :)

And ROTFL at that poem!

Kiersten White said...

Aren't we all bimbos in the end?

I found this poem irrationally inspirational.

Unknown said...

a beautiful and moving poem

aren't we all bimbos indeed

Natalie Whipple said...

And this is why I visit your blog.

K.C. Shaw said...

That is brilliance personified. I'm sort of awed that you worked all that in and made it make sense. I bet you could have fit the phrase "wobbly hamsters" in there too without missing a beat.

Cate Gardner said...

The best use of writing prompts ever. :)

Anonymous said...

I'll show you mine if you show me...wait.

I was all flattered because people got to my site looking for "glass butterflies", "zebra heels" and "supernova".

Nothing beats "snarf foot", though.


Fox Lee said...

Do all hamsters wobble, or only the obese ones?

Sherrie Petersen said...

Hilarious! I'm going to have to try that. And why on earth was someone looking up evil baby eyebrows!?

Suzanne Casamento said...

You are a genius. Hands down. And I think you should start a food blog called, "Cooking for Zombies."

Kelly Polark said...

Nicely done, Carrie! A one of a kind poem indeed! I might have to try this, too! (But it will not be as strangely funny as yours!!)

Ray Veen said...

Awesome. Your sheer creativity is a beacon unto our dismal lives.

(Any way you could throw in a few sparkles, though?)

Angela said...

I'm impressed both at the diversity of your blog post and your ablility to weave those 'non writing prompts' into a poem!