Monday, July 13, 2009

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Okay, I'm back from the vacation, so we're returning to our regularly scheduled programming. But first, I've got to tell you about our vacation. You will NOT believe what happened.

So we got all packed up, which is a saga in and of itself, and lugged the whole family (that would be moi, my husband Slayer, my Batson, and twins Left and Right) to a small family resort in Western Michigan. It's one of those little places with shuffleboard and paddleboats. I keep expecting 80s era Patrick Swayze to show up and teach the Thriller dance, but he's disappointed me so far.

Can't you just see that? "No one puts Baby Zombie in the corner."


Anyway, so we're at the welcome cookout, and what do I see? A short guy with an afro, standing at the table and surreptitiously spooning baked beans onto his plate. It made me snort a little, because afros are just funny.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

See what I mean?

Anyway, I go to get a hot dog, because I'm all about roasting doggies over an open fire. And he turns around.

It was HIM. I mean, really him.


So I go all swoony, because really, what else do you do when you've caught Richard Simmons on a secret baked bean binge? I half expected him to hide a helping in his afro, but unfortunately that didn't happen. Personally, I think the only good reason to have an afro in the first place is so you can hide baked beans in it, but maybe that's just me.

Anyway, there I am, looking at the wonder that is The Simm, alive and in the flesh, and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, and I nearly impaled myself on one of the doggie roasting sticks.


Luckily, I managed to save myself from being impaled and roasted over an open flame. This was a good thing because it meant that I could get Richard's autograph and, you know, LIVE. It also meant that I got to sweat to some oldies, and really, you haven't lived until you've done that with The Simm. The only thing that would have made it better is if he would have taught the Thriller dance.

Okay, so none of that is true, except for the part where I nearly impaled myself on the hot dog poker. THAT is true. Otherwise, vacation was uneventful. I did write a short story called "Revenge of the Mucus Shovel Fairy." How's that for excitement?

Personally, I prefer the story about Richard Simmons storing baked beans in his afro.


Jamie Eyberg said...

You almost had me for a second there. I would have believed you too. I wanted to believe you.

Verification word: loutfush. I don't know what it means but it sure sounds interesting.

PJ Hoover said...

You totally had me going. I was going to complain about no picture of the two of you together!
Glad you're back!

storyqueen said...

Ahhhh, the hot dog stick impaling of the most dangerous weapons in James Bond's arsenal. I think I remember when he used it against that guy with the decapitating frisbee hat.


P.S. Love your new title! (You know I have a thing for titles....)

Natalie Whipple said...

I'm just going to choose to believe all of that's true.

Natalie Whipple said...

Also, welcome back. I missed your particular brand of weird.

Anonymous said...

I was so going to believe you. Now when you really do meet Richard, and you share the glorious story, I'll be all, no, Carrie's just living in her head again. The Girl Who Cried Richard! But eh, not in a dirty way.

C.R. Evers said...

LOL! Glad your back and that you didn't get injured or lose your clothing.

Fox Lee said...

I wonder where baked beans fit into Deal a Meal?

Mariah Irvin said...

I really hoped that story was true because it was too funny!

Cate Gardner said...

It wouldn't have surprised me if the story was true - kind of disappointed now. :)

B.J. Anderson said...

Ah, man! I was bummed when I realized you didn't really see Richard. That would have been awesome! :)

Danyelle L. said...

Gullible, thou art my name. :$

Glad to know that the zombies (and Richard) haven't run off with you yet!

K.C. Shaw said...

I am so gullible! Not only did I believe you, I was all excited for you! I'm glad you avoided the hotdog stick, at least.

David Ebright said...

I think I said 'No Way' (mentally) 10 times 'til I got to the end of your hoax. Rotten. Just Rotten. BUt funny.

Carrie Harris said...

Awww... I'm sorry, peeps. I didn't mean to disappoint you.

However, I must now write a story about The Girl Who Cried Richard. Because that's TOO funny.

Tiny T said...

I am part of the gullible band wagon. I was thinking, 'No way!' up until the end there.

Although I'm now looking forward to "The Girl Who Cried Richard" story. It can only end in tears. Tears from laughing so hard and sparkles. Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle.

Sherrie Petersen said...

Man, you TOTALLY had me going! Really, I'm surprised his agent hasn't found you yet and introduced the two of you. Something to look forward to :-)