Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Sparkly Vampires - How to Go Green

Remember my last post? Well, when I googled "sparkly vampires" and came up with that half-naked Batman, my first thought wasn't "Um...where did the anatomically correct nipple suit go?" or even "Yeah, haters, there wasn't any crime at THAT party, was there?" (But that's what CKHB commented, because she is smarter than me.) I believe I thought something like, "Dude, where are the sparkles?"

So. I've decided that I've got to do a little research on this whole sparkly vampire thing. Because clearly, I am missing something. I'm not sure if that Batman was a sparkly vampire in disguise, or if he belongs to Sparkly Vampire Wannabes R Us (SVWRU), or if he and the sparkly vampires belong to Alliance Against Haters (AAH!). Clearly, more research is necessary to clear up this complicated topic.

First, I think we all need to put this warning sign up in our homes.

Although wait a minute. Do I want those sparkly vampires to go away? Because I just got my electric bill, and it was way too freaking high because my kids all insist on sleeping with the lights on. So if I had a sparkly vampire, I could put him in the corner with a lampshade on his head and decrease my power usage.

Use sparkly vampires! Go green!

Just please, don't pull a google and get half-naked Batman confused with the sparkly vampires and put a lampshade on HIM and put HIM in your kids' bedroom. Because really, all the money you save on electricity now will go to fund their therapy later.

More on this important topic later!


Unknown said...

"Mommy, the shiny vampire was staring at me, I can't sleep"

Yeah, their going to need therapy after this.

"Honey, just close your eyes, vampires aren't that creepy," *avoid vampire lamp, runs out of childs room*

I think we underestimate vampires and their creepiness only because of those damn sparkles. Watch your loved one's.

storyqueen said...

Does that mean I have to get rid of my Batman Lamp?

Renae said...

Oh my daughter would love all of those sparkles in her room...I'm with Jen, those dang sparkles make vampires all too alluring!

Beth Fred said...

Maybe, I should get a sparkly vampire too. I can use it as a reading lamp and save $...I have a specific interest n one, but Bella might not like that. Whatever, I'm way cuter :D...(Than Bella Swan, Kristen Stewart this is not directed at you).

Kelly Breakey said...

If I find myself a sparkly vampire, the very first thing I am going to do is put a lampshade on his head and put him in the corner.

So thanks.

Mariah Irvin said...

"More on this important topic later"?

*is intrigued*

Matthew MacNish said...

OMG I can't breathe ... er I mean stop laughing.

Carrie Harris said...

SQ: Yep. You have to get rid of that lamp by giving it to ME. Mwahahaha!

I dunno, ladies. Sounds like we've got a get rich quick scheme here. Sparkly vampire lamps. Get 'em while they're hot.

Nicole Zoltack said...

lol, loved this post!

Stephanie Faris said...

I don't get the sparkly vampire thing either, but it's unique, I guess.

Anonymous said...

For some reason the part about your kids' future therapy bills reminded me of Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies.

(2:27 starts the last verse. The part your blog reminded me of is in said last verse)

How can YOU know, how can YOU say, what's in MY best interest?

I read YOUR blog!
I watched YOUR sparkly vampire movies!
I went to YOUR bacon/Hoff roast party!

So HOW can you say that I'm crazy?

BK Mattingly said...

TO DO LIST: Go green with Sparkly Vampire Lamp Sale.


Thanks for the smile :D

Kelly Polark said...

Instead of Go Green, new motto
Go Sparkly!

Lenny Lee said...

hi miss carrie! i love vampires! that green sparkly one sounds soooo cool. we been going green at our house for a long time so for sure we want one of those with a really neat lampshade. where could we get one? www.shadyvamps.com. ha ha. my brother just said that.
...laughs and smiles from lenny

Carrie Harris said...



Shannon Messenger said...

Okay--first of all, HOW have I missed your blog all this time. I'm fairly certain that might be an actual crime, but I'm hoping I can get off with a warning having fixed the problem now. :)

Also, this post totally made me crack up--no really, I kinda scared my cat when I did--so thank you for that. I needed it.

But I can't help wondering if sparkly vampires--while helping the world go green--could hinder other industries unintentionally. I mean, what would the poor body glitter industry do if sparkly vampires became more prolific? Not to mention the bedazzling industry. I guess that's the problem with this world. Solve one problem, create 5 more. ;)

Carolyn V. said...

LOL! What if the store won't take back the half-naked batman lamp? I am in so much trouble.

Laura Lofgreen said...

Hilarious. Why can't writers just leave good enough alone. Congrats on your book. Can't wait to read it.

CKHB said...

Aaaaaand, I have just added you to my sidebar of "author-friends." It was overdue, quite frankly.