Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More Answers, of the Answery Sort

Remember, it's the Week of Answers! In which I enlighten you on topics of worldwide significance and general lunacy. (And maybe even worldwide lunacy and general significance. Or worldwide signifacy and general lunicance. I'd better stop before this gets any worse.)

KC Shaw asks:
What's the big deal about urban fantasy? Because I keep reading it and I keep getting annoyed with it. But I keep reading it.

You know what this reminds me of? An online IQ test. I want to say that it was at but can't remember for sure. Anyway, this test had all these really silly questions, and the questions kept repeating, and there was no progress bar, and finally I just got sick of it and closed the window.

And then a little popup came out to tell me that I was really dumb, because I kept taking the test even though it was obviously not any good. So you can guess what I did: I started that bleeping test again and closed the window after the first question, and another popup appeared to say that taking the test a second time was cheating. Either that, or I'm freaking Einstein.

The moral of this story is that I'm only smart when I cheat, so you probably don't want to ask me questions that require any intelligence.

Natalie asks:
Why is my husband consistently annoyed my child actors?

I'm a little confused by this. Your child actors are annoying your husband? Or your husband is annoying your child actors? What are your child actors actually acting? Because if they're zombies, you can send them to my house. In the middle of the night, when my neighbor starts making a bunch of noise, I'll send those child actors over there to moan and scratch at the windows.

Actually, that may be the problem right there. Are the child actors moaning and scratching at the windows? I suggest mittens and chewing gum, so they can paw at the windows and blow bubbles instead.

Jim Danielson asks:
Did the people living on Pluto take away Earth's status as a planet to get even with us?

Actually, people don't live on Pluto. Plutonians do. And really, they don't give a garblesnatch about what we Earthlings think. Actually, I think the most awesome part of this question is that you think I'm an expert on aliens. I'm feeling strangely flattered, Jim. Just call me Spockette.

Anyone want to be Bones?

I bet you're starting to wonder why you bothered asking any questions in the first place, aren't you?


Scillius Maximus said...

What ninja's say about tests: If you aint cheatin, you aint tryin. And if you get caught cheatin, you aint tryin hard enough.

On Bones: Thought that was Slayer's job.

Aaron Polson said...

Yeah...that pretty much explains the fascination with urban fantasy. I'd press on to the end if there was just a status bar.

WV=quaste. Definition: what Plutonians call worrying about their planetary status.

Stephanie Faris said...

Hahaha. I don't think I'd dare ask for questions. I'd be afraid I'd have to come up with answers.

Child actors annoy me too. Mostly, though, I'm annoyed at the parents who let their kids get into the industry when they know what the consequences are...

K. M. Walton said...

I suggest mittens and chewing gum

I laughing with TEARS, tears I tell you.

storyqueen said...

Really liking the nickname "Spockette" for you, Carrie. I think you should find a face-in-the-hole and give us an inkling of what Spockette looks like!


Kiersten White said...

I want to be Scottie.

Jim Danielson said...

I can't tell by your picture Spockette, but have to ask: Do you have pointed ears? Oh, and sorry for calling the Plutonians people (although they probably don't give a garblesnatch).

Anonymous said...

I love urban fantasy! Love it, I say! I challenge everybody to a duel. Or a duet. Or dueling banjos, or something.


Carrie Harris said...

Scillius: See, I'm just a piddly little 8th kyu. I'm not sure I CAN try hard enough. :)

Aaron: This is why I should be a marketing professional in the publishing world.

Stephanie: That's the good thing about writing humor. No one actually expects me to answer seriously. Do they?

Uh oh. Now I'm feeling the pressure. ;)

KM: HAH! You are just as crazy as I am!

Storyqueen: Oh, I can't pass that up. I'll post it in a future entry.

Kiersten: You'd better practice your line, then. No matter what anyone says to you, you say, "I don't have the power!"

Jim: Actually, one of my ears has a point on it. Everyone used to call me a werewolf when I was little. I never thought of this before, but that actually explains a lot.

Natalie: Well, we're even. Most of the pictures you post on your blog creep ME out. ;)

abrokenlaptop: I think it has its moments. But everything would be better with a progress bar. That's all there is to it.

Elana Johnson said...

You are hilarious! My goal when I grow up: to be half as funny as you. :)

Susan R. Mills said...

Okay, that was just down-right funny! Remind me to never ask you any questions! Thanks for stopping by my blog today. Come back anytime!

Danyelle L. said...

I love your answers! I hope one day to be a Pultonian. O:)

Laurel Kornfeld said...

Pluto did not stop being a planet because 424 astronomers made a controversial decision and adopted a vague, unusable planet definition. The requirement that an object "clear its orbit" was concocted specifically to exclude Pluto and keep the number of planets in our solar system low. The IAU definition makes no sense in stating that dwarf planets are not planets at all, a departure from the use of the term "dwarf" in astronomy, where dwarf stars are still stars, and dwarf galaxies are still galaxies. Also, the IAU definition classifies objects solely by where they are while ignoring what they are. If Earth were in Pluto's orbit, according to this definition, it would not be a planet either. A definition that takes the same object and makes it a planet in one location and not a planet in another location is essentially useless.

The IAU should take responsibility for the highly flawed definition adopted by only four percent of its members, most of whom are not planetary scientists, in 2006. However, the IAU should not be viewed as the sole authority on the definition of planet. Many planetary scientists do not belong to the IAU. Should they not have a say in this matter? Something does not become fact simply because a tiny group that calls itself an authority says so. It is significant that hundreds of planetary scientists led by New Horizons Principal Investgator Alan Stern immediately signed a formal petition opposing the IAU definition.

There are other venues through which a planet definition can be determined, such as last year's Great Planet Debate at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Lab. Audio and video proceedings from this far more balanced conference, which I was fortunate to attend, can be found at . You can also read more about this issue on my blog at .

Adrienne said...

My kids just played zombie extras for a movie. Zombie extras can't possibly count as annoying child actors, right?

C.R. Evers said...

I feel smarterer just from reading these here answers.

Grate job.

K.C. Shaw said...

I would have gotten "dumbest ever" on that test. I'm incredibly gullible. In fact, I'm the person in college who believed my roommate's friends when they told me that gullible isn't in the dictionary. I got kind of mad about it, because gullible's a perfectly good English word, and it ought to be in the dictionary, and what kind of idiot dictionary-maker wouldn't include the word gullible anyway, and--oh. Oh. Yes I am.

PJ Hoover said...

I think the Plutonians are going to file a petition to get "people" status. Just so you know, you've offended a ton of Plutonians.

Jim Danielson said...

Sheesh PJ, I was just going to petition to get Plutonian status!

Carrie Harris said...

ElanaJ: I recommend a combo of very little sleep, crazy zombie-tag playing children, and a lot of caffeine. :)

Lazy Writer: Aw, come on! You know you want to ask me random questions and then laugh at me. It's okay. I laugh at me too.

Danyelle: Apparently, I've pissed off the Plutonians. Please don't join the Anti-Carrie Order of Plutonians (ACOOP). It would *sniff* hurt my feelings *sniff*.

Just kidding. :)

Laurel: Wow. I'm not used to having SERIOUS answers on my blog. Thanks for providing one.

Adrienne: That's SO cool. I was an extra in a hospital commercial once, which is not half as cool.

Christy: That's my purpose in the world. To make people feel smarterer. And to antagonize Plutonians.

KC: SNARF. I played that gullible trick on one of my old college friends. The same one that I convinced "I left my brains down in Africa" was really a line in the Toto song.

PJ: You're not going to join ACOOP too, are you? They're picketing outside my house right now.

Jim: Yeah, is that you with the "Plutonians are PEEPUL!" sign? I think I see you out there.