An Ode to the Brain

Will you think I'm weird if I say that I understand where zombies are coming from when it comes to the whole obsessed with brains thing?

I mean weirder than you already think I am. If that's possible.

Because I've been there. I've actually worked at a job where losing a brain was a real problem, because they were delivered to the offices in big boxes by the FedEx guy. And at least once a week, I would go down the hallway in search of a particular brain, hoping against hope that it had arrived. People were clamoring to send me their brains.

I've looked at brains under microscopes and seen shelves filled with brains in containers. I can tell you from experience that they do not put them in little glass jars full of green stuff. They put them in utilitarian white plastic, which makes it a lot easier to sneak them into someone's lunch.

I have never done that. But I thought about it really hard.

So the other day, I started thinking (uh oh!) about why zombies have this thing about brains. Because when you think about it, the brain is kind of like the crab leg of the zombie diet. It takes a lot of work to crack that sucker open. It would be so much easier to become obsessed with, say, eyeballs. Or fingers.

But "iiiiiiii-balllllll!" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "braaaaains!" does it? Plus, it sounds kind of pervy.

Besides, brains have all kinds of punny and word-play-ish possibilities. There's the brain in Spain falling mainly on the plain. You can be insane in the brain, or even inbrain in the sane. There's my personal favorite: no pain, no brain. And Slayer's favorite: no brain, no gain. I could do this all day, you know. Really, we owe zombies an immense amount of gratitude for not becoming obsessed with the xyphoid process. Because really, what fun word games can you play with that?

None, I tell you. None.

It just goes to show that if you're going to become a cannibalistic undead creature, you can at least do the world a service by becoming obsessed with something that has comedic potential.

Zombies. Making the world a better place.